Up In Arms

I am at a loss at the moment and about to come to a cross roads with a decision that will affect the rest of our family lives. It is impossible to get Seth to school without me physically dragging him. I'm at a loss too, because we can get him to go anywhere just fine and with little or no problems. Last year he was great with going to school, he'd run in by himself, happy as could be. This year something has changed. Hormones? Puberty? Your guess is as good as mine. 

His father and met with the administration of his school and came up with a great plan. Really, it was fail safe, full of options he got to make to instil in himself a feeling of independence instead of manipulative control of adults. With these choices, there was a punishment if he refused to follow through with any of them. This punishment is he has to stay home and sit at the top of the stairs, do nothing, be bored. He did the two days last week while the program was planned and set up so he understands what it the punishment really is. Monday morning guess what he picked? Bored! 

Not surprised! He is 13 years old. He would rather sit and be lazy than go to school. I would have picked it too at his age. Now, this choice had to be because the school won't allow him to be there anymore during his fits. The principle contacted the state and the lady instructed that the child be removed and sent home. Every child has a right to be in school, but in the least restricted environment. Him being so upset that others were being physically harmed and his teachers and aids having to restran, hold to the floor, and use so much physical force that bruises were made is not least restrictive. 

I am so tired. Tired of fighting. Every thing feels like a fight. I hate having to be firm, almost mean, to get him to school. Then when he is home, be so strict that he has to sit on and do nothing. That isn't me. I am not a mean person. It kills me. I won't do it anymore!

I don't understand how we can take Seth anywhere else and he is fine. Maybe something has happened to him at school and I don't know what. He is nonverbal and can't tell us. Maybe I should pull him out of school, find a different school even? I have to do what is best for my child. The biggest skill he is learning from school is his OT and speech therapy. If I pulled him out, I could set up other therapy sessions with other facilaties. When we took him for evaluations, he was amazing, his behavior perfect. This staying home being bored isn't doing him any good, it's destructive to his growth he has made! 

 I am at a loss. Some people often tell me to send him to a type of group home... Um, no! He is my child I will raise him. That drives me crazy when that is thrown out. The other thing that is so frustrating is yes, thing look so amazing and simple on paper. When we meet with officials and administrators they lay out plans, advise, and what have you for us as parents and caregivers to do. And news flash, I DO THEM! FAITHFULLY! I am not the type that just act like I will during meeting then walk away to resume old habits. I freaking try. Some plans work, others don't. So unless you are in my home, have or are living this, you don't understand. The experts are the familie, not the ones with degrees sitting behind the desks telling you what to do. 

I am giving my whole life, devoting every waking moment of these kids to these kids. That is my life. Minute by minute is dedicated to insuring they get what is needed. Every parent training skill taught to me is applied. Yes, I let my kids pretty much run my life, but  I am in control of the schedule. A simple life would be so ideal, but it's not in my cards. Mine is chaos within the strict schedule. So when you get your kids ready for school, don't yell, kiss them when they leave, because it could be a whole lot worse. 

Living in a Small Town

This past week we had an other assesment about our children who have disabilities. This time it was with a state affiliated office. Let me tell you, those tests are grueling because for each question there are three parts to each answer. Each child's assesment takes about two hours. 

The guy interviewing us about the assesment was kind and helpful so that did help. His office accommodating to each of the children's needs. He was understanding when Paisley got overwhelmed by something and had to dust his office with his tissues while we talked. He explained how her OCD affected her and how her having dyslexia as well as FXS and an autism spectrum fight against each other. Yet, he was amazed at how she at only 7 years old has learned to cope and self soothe to the point you can't automatically see she is affected by something.

Then it came time for Seth. We had to go into detail about his issues, especially the behavior. The aggression is our biggest concern right now. During that discussion of the assesment, I had to decide the seriousness of the behavior. The choices to pick ranged from not serious to extremely seriouse, each helping by giving definitions to each answer. The definitions were determand and on how I feel others react or how it affects the public when they see such behavior.

When I answered the first few, the gentalman stopped and looked at the scars on my arms. He then asked me to take him step by step through what typically happens and why I didn't think it was a big deal. I did what he asked and told him I didn't think it was a big deal because I deal with this everyday, some days not as big as others. But it has become normal to me. He asked me to really think about the ansewrs and pointed out the differences between what I thought the situation was and what it really was. I was saying they weren't that seriouse and at most moderately. My reasoning is because of how the public, here in Preston, reacts to Seth's meltdowns and even when he gets "violent". The definitions were, the actions are annoying, cause others to look and wounder what is going on but the disturbance doesn't stop the others from competing tasks, or on the moderate answer that Seth would need to be removed so others can go about without causing a disturbance that is distracting. And we were answering on everything else except for the times when Seth is going to school because those actions are isolated to school. 

I had to stop and really think about all of the reactions I get here in Preston, Idaho. 

My eyes filled with tears at this point. I explained that there has only been a few times where I felt, by the tests definition, that there was a serious problem with Seth in public. This community doesn't shun, make fun, or be rude to Seth. These people, in Preston, are excepting of him, his issues, and when they see him breakdown, they don't point, whisper, or say mean things. They except him for HIM! They love him. It's when we go out of the area, even as close as Logan or Pocatello, we see the difference in how others see the issues. 

Seth walks home from school, by himself. And I know if he ventures off the path of his route I will get a phone call. Our neighborhood knows that Seth's walk home from school his his one thing he does with out a parent by his side. That is his one thing he does indepenantly, as independent for him because pretty much all the houses he walks past watch out for him. 

The gentalman was stunned in a way. He couldn't believe how accepting this community is. He asked how the police react to Seth. I told him the same way. They know he isn't a danger to others, unless he is riding his bike down the highway. I didn't add that part, that can be between us. When I told him we lived here, a light went on. He said he had a few others he assessed from here and heard the same thing. He told us that is rare to find a community as a whole that accepting. We finished up the appointment by having us think of reactions in other places and at the end of the test I wanted to get back home. 

I hear others say they hate Preston. They may have their reasons and that is fine but I love it here. Yes, it is an out of the way place. I have to travel kind of far to really shop. Everyone does know what I am doing, but I also put it out there. I feel safe here. I can let my disabled children outside to play. And, when Seth does run off, it happends, I don't get judged as being a neglectful parent for letting my kid get out of my sight. I mean, think about it if you just thought, "wait, I haven't lost my child and needed to call the cops before. That is bad parenting." 

Do you have to keep a constant eye on your kids? No, not like what I am talking about. You can leave the room and go to the bathroom, throw in a batch of laundry, load the dishwasher, take a shower and not worry your child will walk out of the house and into the road. Your child might know that is dangerouse. Mine doesn't. I have to keep a constant eye and it's not humanly possible. I have to sleep, shower, and take bathroom breaks too. It's during those times they would get out and I wouldn't know. Thankfully, we only had to call the police twice. Everything turned out to be okay, and we were lucky. Lucky, that the police knew us and understand the situation. That is because this is an awesome place to live. I have a little joke  I always tell someone that asks how long I've lived here and it is, I was born, raised, and hopefully will die here. I love it here. 

Just Do It

When people see me in public it is easy to assume that everything is fine. Sometimes it is, other times not so much, but I was raised to be a lady and not get everyone to board my pity train. On those harder days it is hard to keep calm and smile, but it is possible. Today and yesterday were one of those harder days. 

I am just going to say it right out, Autism freaking sucks! It is a blessing at the same time though. One of those double edged swords that cut deep either way you slice it. Rewarding at times, helping me grow as a parent and fellow man (or woman to be politically correct). At times it's no big deal to have multiple children with disabilities. It is my norm and to use another cliché, it has gotten to be old hat. Other times, like this week, it is super hard, exhausting, and the emotional toll is indescribable. 

I have dealt with this severe autism for 13 years, I am tired. I haven't had more than 4 hours of sleep a night either in that Same amount of time. My youngest child is now 2 and I see the same behaviors in him as my oldest. So, yes, as I get asked all the time, he will be just like Seth. The good and the hard. Don't say to me now, "oh, you poor thing. I am sorry." Because, I am not. In a way, I get a do over. I know what works and what doesn't. I can help the issues in the early stages.

With my oldest, I am still learning. His stages are still new to me. Right now the strict routine we've had in play for the past decade seems to not be working any more. It has been suggested that before school he not be allowed to have anything that isn't school related. No television, iPad, DVDs, computer, so he doesn't feel like we are taking something away and school is the punishment making the transition from home o school easier. Sounds pretty simple right? Yeah, it's not. Maybe I am just lazy. He wakes up at 5am, 6, if I am lucky and has to be to school by 8. That is two hour of fighting him not to play with anything, because really, anything he does will feel like it is being taken away. Plus, I have three other children to get ready for school as well. And remember, two others also have their issues to work with.

 My one child that doesn't have a label has grown to be an amazing help. This boy sees something the others need help with and he is on it in the morning. It helps we have a listed schedule so each one can see what is next. We use a toke economy in our house and it is what has worked for the past 10 years. The kids bust their hides to get the list done, almost like a race, and look forward to that reward of down time before school on the iPad or what not. Maybe I should change it to loading them up with sweets and letting them burn it off at school, kidding.

Well, this no fun things during down time is dang near impossible. I am constantly reinforcing and redirecting. I am always doing two things at once. Stearing one kid away from this and helping another one do something else. I'm the only parent at home from 6am to 5pm. (Right now he's helping my son's football team and practice goes until 7:30pm) My husband works extremely hard to provide so I can help our children. He can't just come home to help me carry my teenager into school, and my husband is a type of person that has to do backbreaking type work. He just doesn't feel happy if he isn't getting dirty at work. Maybe his parents shouldn't have let him play in the sandpile when he was a kid. Joking again. But seriously, I am handling this on my own. I'm the one who get the multiple phone calls from my oldest child's teacher everyday, drag him out of the truck, kicking and screaming every morning. I help the kids do their homework, cook dinner, clean house, and set out the clothes for the next day and ready the schedule to start all over again by myself. 

So, this one more thing I am being asked to do now and not let my son have anything not school related is hard. Almost the straw to break my back. I don't know how other moms, especially ones with mulitble disabled children, do it. My hat is off to you. You are rock stars! 

A Wild Girl

A lady stopped me at the super market the other day and complimented me on "how well of a mother I turned out to be." I smiled and told her thank you. As I grabbed a loaf of bread off the shelf she spoke up again. "I really thought you were going to turn out to be a single mother living off welfare." This took me by surprise and everything I had to keep a grin on my face. I couldn't believe she had said this to me.

I calmly said, "I guess everyone can be full of surprises." Trying to get a way from her, I stepped away and acted like I was trying to decide between creamy or chunky peanut butter. It didn't work. She followed me.

"I mean you were so wild. And your husband. Boy, with the background he came from you would never know by the way you two are so close to the church." She leaned against the handle of her shopping cart.

Now, it's one thing to say something about me, but bad mouth my husband, you're going to have a problem. I did stay calm but only because we were in a public place. The only thing that came to mind that I should do is kindly excuse myself. Which I did by making up that I had to hurry and get my daughter to dance practice.I checked out without getting the rest of the items I'd gone in there for.

For the rest of the day I couldn't get what this lady had said to me out of my mind. After I got the kids to bed and was rocking my baby to sleep, I thought about my younger days.

Yes, there was ONE YEAR in Jr. high that I made a few bad choices, but had long since made peace about them with the Big Man upstairs. In high school, I did have a steady boyfriend that I married. I mean yeah, I did stupid things with a few of my friends like t-p the Biology teacher a few times, but really who hasn't toilet papered someones house before. I never partied because I was on the drill team, a cheerleader, or played on the school softball team and had random weekly drug tests. I worked or had dance class every night of the week so I didn't have any time to do anything. But, I ended up a teen mom though, so maybe that was what she meant. I did marry the father of my baby and he is wonderful. In my honest opinion, the best. And for his back ground? What, that he didn't grow up in the church makes him a lost cause? I don't think so. He is very faithful and honest in his daily doings and in his marriage. 

After going through this mental list, I couldn't understand what was so "wild" about me or what I did. I realized whatever she thought I did didn't matter, because in my eyes I wasn't wild. This just showed me that there are still some very judgmental people.

I consider myself a very religious person and this judgement that was being held over me bothered me. I hope that you all know I DON'T judge anyone. It's not my place nor my right and I'm very thankful for that. I think what make a person good or bad is how they treat the ones they are around and their honesty. There are people who have done bad things to themselves and others. I'm not going to go out of my way and be friends with them. I'll be kind when I come into direct contact with them but I'm not going to look at them and think that there's no hope for them. I'll let our Maker do that.

So, what I guess I'm saying is I don't give two hoots what you think of me because I know what kind of a person I am. And that is what counts to me.    

From One Trip to Another!

My husband and I were able to go Christmas shopping together for the first time in years. I know what you are thinking; I leave the husband home with the children and go blow our paycheck on everything in the store. WRONG! The honest truth, my husband is the shopper in our household. Crazy I know.

Every year the Black Friday ads come out and my husband plans out the gifts down to the very last item. Between the kids circling their wish lists and Jess' dog eared pages, I can't understand who wants what. He gets so excited to shop for the kids, he will go fight the crowds alone, without me, in the unspeakable early sales. I stay home in my warm bed. You know, safe from the lady who pulls out the pepper spray.

I sometimes have a friend or two that want their hair done after work and I'll color it or what not. But this means it's also after work hours for my husband and if the calender says it's December and we haven't finished Christmas shopping, he will leave me and get it done. I get so upset when he does this because I would like to help pick out their Christmas too, just not the early morning sales. He won't wait just one more day so I can go. Nope. He has to get it done when the itch needs scratched. Then to top it off, Jess will call and ask, "What color would they like? This shade of red or the maybe the darker shade?" WHAT?! Like I can tell what shade is what over the freaking phone. (Yes, he does this because he knows how ticked I get.)

Anyway, this year we went on a weekend together and put a serious dent in the list. The day had gone perfectly. We'd brought our 8 month old baby with us. He is still in a carrier carseat and we snap the seat on the basket. When we put the seat on the cart, we heard it snap on and even checked to make sure it was sturdy before we pushed it. Everything was fine until we checked out and were leaving the store. Just as I pushed the cart where the cement meets the black top of the parking lot, there was a lip just enough to catch the front wheels. The next thing we heard is a loud SNAP and saw the carseat falling to the ground.The seat flipped mid air and landed on it's side. The momentum causeed it to roll over and stop right side up. I'm freaked out, chasing it as it tumbled. Jess is shocked and responded like any distraught father would and yelled, "Holy shit!"

We got to our baby (who'd been asleep right before the fall)  and found him wide eyed looking around like  "What the heck just happened?" Not a scratch on him.The handle had been in the upright position and acted like a roll cage. Thank goodness I'd made sure early in the week his straps were the right tightness over his shoulders. 

Two things were learned from this; ONE: the carseat did protect him but how the latch unhooked from the cart scared us. If we had been in a wreck, would it have come undone and thrown the seat around the car? Who knows? TWO: When I called the seat's company to tell them what had happened, they told me carseats are NOT made to latch onto shopping carts and the safe way to transport the baby in the store if he is still in the carseat is to set the carseat it's self in the basket of the cart. This is how we now do the seat/cart shopping.

Woo, what a trip right? Start off with a nice enjoyable shopping trip then end it with a scary accident. I'm glad he is alright and nothing happened to him, but it freaked the shiz out of me. So, on that note, I hope you all have a safe Christmas shopping season.

Happy Holidays!

Holy Crap! I Am My Mother.

Growing up my mother taught me how to clean through a series of index cards. These cards were the devil to me and my older sister. She listed house hold chores on them. Sure, you may think whoopedy ta, a list of chores. Let me explain these cards. One card was labeled "Daily Chores" and had the things you do everyday like make your bed, pick up clutter, and wash the dishes. She also had cards for every day of the week with additional chores to do along with the daily card. Saturday was the list from HELL Let me also add that there was also a card to do "Monthly" chores like scrub walls, shampoo carpets, etc. that were done on the first Saturday of the month, again also with the daily and original Saturday chores as well. It got to the point we knew what chores were on what day. I'd even do those chores at the homes of people I babysat for. (Yes, I got asked to tend  A LOT because they knew they'd come home to a clean house) I hated those freaking cards, but they did teach me how to properly clean.

Now that I am a mother myself, I've come to find my life seems to get away from me and my list of chores gets so backed up I don't know where to begin. With my children that have Fragile X Syndrome or Autism I've found schedules and lists are a life saver. Really, they are something we can not live without. We have to plan out our whole week in advance, then the night before we have to chart out the next day down to the hours some times. My life is full of lists! I don't think I'd function if I didn't have a list or chart to go off of.

Disorganization in MY home ( I don't give two hoots what yours is like. Really I don't because I don't want anyone judging me so I won't judge you.) drives me insane. Literally, up the flipping wall. Guess what my mom and I made tonight? CHORE CARDS! Yep, I am going to use the very thing I hated on myself to get my house in order.

As a child they seem mean and boarder line mental, but looking at them now it's genius. You only have to do certain things on certain days. Well, you still have the pesky daily things and it is not set in gold. You can miss, add, decide you don't feel like doing that one that day. But it only gives me five chores to do a day and not fifty. For me, it will work. Plus, maybe I can get my kids in on the chores too. Wait, who am I kidding?  

My Life As A Movie Scene

We had an moment right out of the movies last night here at our house. Who knew my favorite Holiday flick would come even closer to my heart. Only this particular scene isn't one you'd really like to relive. I've always loved A Christmas Story and it felt like the writer had hid out at my house while growing up and took notes for the film. Amazingly my life still plays out like the show only this time my role is the mother instead of Ralphy.

I made a delicious roast yesterday. Mouth watering, moist, flavorful roast perfect for french dip sandwiches today. After I took the meat out of the roaster, I packed it away in the fridge to soak up the Ague sauce all night. Bedtime rolled around and I came down stairs to gather the kidlings up to bed. What did I find on the counter? The Tupperware container, EMPTY! The patio door was open and I heard Seth laughing. I ran to find my dog and cat chowing down on the roast. Yes, I cried, but it probably sounded more like a scream of horror. My husband followed my wail and it happened. He said it. That famous line from the movie. "Sons a *****'s!"

SO, tonight's dinner was fed to the dog. We won't be going to the Chinese restaurant like the movie characters did though. We will most likely be feasting on something more like I don't know, cold cereal.

"PAMPAS'S!" 

***don't worry, we didn't yell any "bad words" at my child nor called him any. We love him and now laugh at this whole thing.***

I Get It

I'm no longer the cool, fun mom. This morning I handed Seth his clothes for school. He got dressed and came in the bathroom to brush his teeth. His shirt had the Boise State Bronco on the front of it. He's been watching Spirit lately so I pointed to the logo and said, "Cool Seth! It's Spirit." Then proceeded to whinny like a horse. Well, that did it.

"No!" said Seth while simultaneously taking off the shirt and flinging it on the bed. He stomped back to his room and reemerged wearing a Tony Hawk tee. I opened my mouth to say it was a nice shirt he'd picked, but Seth held up his hand to stop me before the first word could exit my mouth. He said, "Stop."

Well, okay. I get the idea. Even though his vocabulary is small. He gets his point of view across. And today it was Mom-if-you-like-it-I-don't. Even though he has Fragile X and Autism, Seth still acts like a preteen.
  

Music Awards?

I watched this years MTV Music Award Show and was sadly disappointed. What the heck happened to Rock music? Really? I guess I need to rephrase that. What has happened to MTV? When I was growing up it was pretty much none stop music videos. I loved watching them, I could sit for hours waiting to see the latest songs. Now it's all reality t.v. and mini series. I mean, those are fine and all, but I want MORE MUSIC!!!

At the award show they had only one category for rock video and truly only one nominees (Foo Fighters) that were technically rock worthy of the award. Luckily, they won. I'm not saying only rock should be on MTV, I'm saying they need to actually play rock. There are a lot of other styles of music that are great too and were honored for it as well.

I was talking to my sister about the show and we both thought maybe "they" are calling what we think is rock, is now considered metal? Growing up, rock were bands like Nirvana, Metallica, Soundgarden, Alice in Chains, and Ozzy. Even into my twenties, bands like Breaking Benjamin, Theory of a Deadman, Nickelback, Three Days Grace, and Godsmack were big and making new videos. But, now to watch the new videos you have to go on YouTube and be lucky you can stumble onto the new hits. Even radio stations that play the new rock releases are being bought out by hip hop and pop radio.

I hope I'm not the only one who is suffering and MTV will at least play some more "rock" bands. We need another Kurt Cobain type to come revive the industry once again. What are your thoughts? Any?

Week As A Single Mother: Day 5

Crazy, crazy morning. Seth did NOT want to go to school today. The newness had wore completely off with that child already. Thank goodness for the janitors at the elementary school, they help me out way more than I could every explain. Jay (one of the janitors) waits for me to pull up in front of the school and runs out to meet me. He helps Seth into the school with me. See, when I say help I mean he lifts the upper body while I carry the kicking legs on the days when Seth won't get out of the car with out persuasion. There are some days when he gets out and walks next to Jay like they are old buddies. (I like those days).

Thankfully, Seth calmed down after a bit and was great the rest of the day. I'm glad because I'm getting pretty depressed being the only parent here. My mother-in-law has come to help out before and right after school and that has been great. She helps the kids unload after school while I make dinner. Plus gives me some adult talk. I never knew how amazing of a lady she is. She is awesome. I'm glad I have good in-laws. I'm very lucky.

Tomorrow there is no school because of the four day weeks we do and I'm hoping to sleep in. Yeah, right, but I can dream at least. Well, until tomorrow readers.

Choa.

Week As A Single Mother: Day 4

Holy Moly! Today went perfect. The kids all got up, ate, brushed their teeth, and were dressed a half hour before the need to be at school. Seth even walked to his class with out any trouble. I was shocked.

Paisley was so cute and took a n apple for her teacher. I had the harder time when it came to leave, she looked at me out of the corner of her eye and waved. Broke my heart. Not even a tiny tear. But I guess that's alright. It's good she can handle being on her own for school...

Dom loved his first day too. He was really happy that mom walked him into his class. Yeah, my little boy has grown up and hit the stage where mom just isn't very cool anymore. We'll see if that changes when he wants a car in a few years.

I have to explain about the school clothes Seth wore. As some of you know he is very picky about the way clothes feel against his skin. If it's not right, he rips them off like Hulk Hogan. So, yes, he wore a t-shirt and basketball shorts. But, he made it all day with no outburst. So I guess its a battle I'm not fighting.

 We are really missing the daddy today. Every year he would ask them about their days when he got home, but this year he couldn't. The kids even noticed. Well, it's only a few more days and he'll be back.

Week As A Single Mother: Day 3

We had a tragic loss at our house today. Our beloved fish took a ride on the porcelain express. What made it so tragic is that they died right before my daughter's eyes. Pais won a fish at the fair the other day and the people gave her 3 instead. (They wanted to get rid of them) She loved the idea of being in charge of a pet of her very own. She fed them and helped clean the tank. But, I need to back up a little bit.

Yesterday, Dom came down stairs and asked what would happen if the fish lived in a bowl of Pepsi instead of water. I told him they'd die. Then he asked what about Kool-aid. Same thing, death. He replied with a simple,"Oh". That was that. A few minutes later I come into the kitchen to find the fish bowl a really murky brown.

 "How the heck could the fish get the water so dirty already?"

Paisley piped up and tattled on her brother, "Dom poured his soda in the tank."

CRAP! I quickly cleaned the poor fishes habitat and prayed for the best. Lesson learned here: when Dom is asking "what if" questions, worry. Fast forward to today. Pais was watching the three fish swim around when she cried, "Somethings wrong with Darwin and Dori."

Yup, they were literally puttering out as she watched. They both stopped and one floated to the top, the other to the bottom. She cried and we flushed them. A few hours later THE SAME THING. She saw the last little guy, Nemo, give his final fin flip and croak.

Everything settled down after a while and the door bell rang, but when I answered the door where a person would be standing were four over stuffed garbage bags of clothes. Two for the boys and two for Paisley. The Clothing Fairy struck again this year. These aren't just any clothes either, they are all name brand hardly ever worn (half still have the tags on them).

Today was eventful to day the least, but tomorrow is going to be an adventure. First day of school. Bring it on!

Week As A Single Mother: Day 2

Today was back to school night for my kids. We walked over to the school and the kids unloaded their supplies into their desks, so excited to see what friends were in their classes. My eight year old got pretty impatient when the kindergartners turn came and kept tapping my arm saying, "Mom. Mom. Mom." So I did what any mother would and blocked him out while I helped my little girl.

The teacher was kind to Paisley and walked her through what will be the morning routine. Pais fell in love with the teacher and I signed my life away with volunteer times for parties and snacks through out the year. Finally, it was time to go. I looked up to gather the troop and one was missing. Dom. Of course. I knew he'd probably walked home since we live a few houses away, but there is still a fear of "what if?".

I called my mother-in-law who'd stayed behind to keep Seth company. Yep, the little rascal was home on the computer. I could breathe easy now.

When we got home I made dinner and laid the guilt (we call it super-guilt in this situation) on thick. I know I'm going to damage the boy, I need to stop, but hey, it's what gets the message through. Oh, and I made my first ever zucchini bread. AND BIG SURPRISE it turned out yummy. Raise the roof. (oops, I just showed my age). Anyway, I'm beat so I'm off to bed before the baby wakes up. See you all later.  

Week As A Single Mother: Day 1

My husband had a great opportunity given to him through work this week. They shipped him off to take a course and become a CWI (certified welding inspector). Anyway, he is gone for the next week staying a few hours away busing himself all day with classes and studying. I told him it will be like a vacation because he's being put up in a posh hotel and gets a big break from the four tornadoes we call children.

This will also be the longest we have been apart in our eleven years of marriage. We've spent a few nights away from each other every hunting season, but there were still a few tears as we said goodbye this morning.  When I watched his car drive out of our subdivision, anxiety crept it's evil way up my throat and I started freaking out. (But kept a smile on my face so the husband wouldn't know any better). THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I'LL BE ALONE WITH ALL FOUR KIDS! No help. No, "Honey, I'm changing the baby can you break up the fight before one of the boys start bleeding?" Zilch. Oh, and did I mention school starts this week? No? Well, yeah it does. So it should be interesting to see how Seth acts when he realizes freedom of television and unlimited fridge raids end. Anyway...

By noon nothing had happened. Dinner time, still all quiet. Then it was bedtime. Everyone was tucked in and all quiet when the chime to the alarm chirped, "SHOP DOOR". Lights flipped on and the kids ran down the stairs screaming, "Daddy's back! Daddy's back!" But no. It was the wind. My kids had gone out earlier and didn't shut the door tight as they came back in. I explained the situation but my little girl cried and cried. She wanted her daddy. Thank goodness for cell phones. We called him up and one by one, told him good night.

Phew, that was it; only one melt down. But then again it was only day one. Let us pray the rest of the week is this uneventful.

A Bad Morning

It was an interesting morning when I dropped off Seth for Summer school. He had been great all morning and couldn't wait to go on their field trip to the dog groomers. As we were pulling up to the curb, a few teenagers rode up on their bikes for drivers ed. and it set Seth off. See, the day before the class had gone bike ridding with Common Ground. Seth loves to ride his bike. Well, long story short, he wanted to get on the bikes and a fit settled in.

Some of you know his fits aren't the typical child tantrum. His are the equivalent of  a fight with a raging tiger. I got him settled down enough to get him up the stairs when one of the helpers from his class noticed our scuffle. She came over and grabbed Seth. I warned her not to put any of her body, especially her arms or hands in front of him or he would bite. What she do? Wrapped her arm around his mouth. Yep, CLAMP! Teeth sunk in.

I managed to release Seth's mouth from the ladies flesh but not before she screamed at me. I apologised and we got him into the class room. Guess what? She did it again. The teacher brought over a toy to distract Seth and calm him down. But, it also brought all the other kids over to the toy too. Before I could get the toy pulled further away out of Seth's bubble. He grabbed a kid and dug him. The teacher made me feel like crap by showing me what Seth had done to the kid and aid. I know what he did and I do feel bad for them and I was trying to prevent it but nobody would listen to me.

Thankfully, the aids that are familiar with Seth and knows how to work with him came in. He settled down and hopefully will stay that way. Can I just tell you all Autism sucks. It's a mean disability that really pisses me off. It takes over my son and hides him behind this violent meanness, because on the good days Seth is the best of kids and I know that's what he's really like. A good kid.

So on that note; you hear me Autism?!?! You suck! 

Say What?

My 8-year-old-son, Dom, and I were watching television the other night and he turned to me, with a serious face, and wanted to know answers to some mind boggling questions that were burning in his young, yet innocent mind. This is how it went down:

Dom: "Mom, you wax eyebrows right?"
Me: "Yes. Why do you want to know that?"
Dom clasps his hands together: "Never mind."
Me: "No, really why do you want to know?"
Dom takes a deep breath and clears his throat: "Why do girls' eyebrows look like they're angry?"
Me: *Blinks and tries not to laugh* "What?"
Dom :"Really? Why do you purposely wax them to look like you're mad?"
Me: "We think it looks pretty. It's like putting a frame around our eyes. We're not mad. It's to make us look nice."
Dom: "Well you are doing it all wrong because the frame is like a warning sign telling people to leave you alone."
Me: *Speechless*

Heaven save me now. He's only eight years old. What's it going to be like when he's a teenager?

Oh, My, REALLY?

There are things in my life I've come to accept. Example; I still get zits and I'm almost 30, stretch marks will never go away completely, with four children my house will not be spotless, and there will always be laundry to be done. But, I can not, WILL not accept being shocked to consciousness by the theme song to Harry Potter played at full volume on the surround sound at 6AM! It's just not that good of a feeling.

FOR THE LOVE MAKE IT STOP!

Me and Parking Lots

Holy Smokes! What is up with me and parking lots lately? A while back our car was victim to a hit and run, this past weekend I was honked at by a very angry driver for crossing the "crosswalk" slowly because I had all four of my kids with me, and today I, my body, got backed into. Yup, BACKED INTO!

Actually it was my baby the van hit first. Thank goodness he was in the car seat carrier, or I would have really flipped.

We got out of our car and the kids were walking next to me. Just as we passed a van, the reverse lights kicked on and backed into me. Yeah, I swore. A LOT! (My seven-year-old told me I need to wash out my mouth and I can't kiss Riot the rest of the day.) Well, the car stopped and nothing was hurt, just scared us both.

I think for now on I'm sending my husband to do all the shopping.

House Hold Memo's

Dear Laundry,

Our relationship has been getting, let's say, a little unacceptable. We use to coexist in harmony. You never seemed to overwhelm me. I miss the days when I could fold you and enjoy the fresh sent of fabric softener. Where have you gone?

As of late, you're out of control. I mean you're leaving piles everywhere. In the bathroom, in the corners of my bedroom, you've gotten so lazy in the kids' rooms I can't see the floor. And we are not even going to talk about the laundry room floor. NO! This is enough. 

This is your final notice, get it together, or you will be replaced by new clothing and never washed again.

Sincerely yours,
Laci 

The Canal

I dipped my feet into the cool water of the kiddy pool. The ripples rolled across the surface as I lifted my toes up and down. My older sister and her boyfriend sat behind me on the front porch, smooching. Gag.

Not only was the heat from the July sun making me sick, but the sound of lips smacking together wasn’t something a twelve year old wanted to hear. My six year old little brother, Bubba, ran out of the front door with the neighbor kids. Silently tagging along behind him was my two year old sister, Bailey.

“Hey Lace,” asked Bubba. “Is it okay if we go over to the Talbot’s?”

“Sure, just don’t be too long. Mom and Dad should be home soon.”

Our parents were at a funeral, my dad’s friend, who had been killed in a car accident. They had told us that we could go out for a burger when they got back, and to us kids’ fast food was awesome!

Bubba and his friends took off across the canal to the Talbot’s place. I leaned forward and hugged my knees with one arm to keep my balance while I drug my fingers across the water. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the feeling of the sun’s heat on my face. It felt nice to be back from girls camp. A weekend of passing off knots, C.P.R., and crafts were enough to do me in for the rest of the summer.

A few moments later, the Talbot kids, Kolby and Chantel, were on the bridge of the canal with Bubba. Chantel came up to me. “Did Bailey come back over here?”

“No. Why isn’t she with you?” I stood up and looked around. “Did you check over at your place? She followed you over.”

Bubba yelled to me, “Hey, someone’s in the canal.”

“It looks like a Sixth Grader,” added Kolby.

I’d just been in Sixth Grade and thought I’d probably know who was swimming next to my house; hoping deep down it was'nt a cute boy. (My hair wasn't done). With Chantel by my side, I made my way with an ever so cool sway to my walk up to the bridge.

“Look,” said Bubba, pointing to a blue object floating in the water. “Right there, see them floating?”

A few yards down the bank, a little arm rose out of the water and sunk back under. My heart jumped into my throat. “It’s Bailey!” I yelled and readied myself to jump in.

A quiet voice spoke in my ear, “Don’t jump in yet. Run to get her.” My bare feet flew over the weeded ditch bank until I reached to spot I’d seen my baby sister. I heard a large slash behind me and looked back to see my older sister’s boyfriend had jumped in to get her, but he was clear back at the bridge. I turned my attention back to the water in front of me. A few feet a head, Bailey’s tiny face bobbed up to the surface and went back down. I jumped in the water and grabbed her, lifting her up in front of me.

Bailey’s body was cold, limp, and lifeless. I looked into her eyes and nothing was there. Her happy glow of life was gone. I shook her and screamed, “No! Bailey, no! You can’t do this! You can’t die. NO!”

A tiny drop of water rolled out of her mouth and something clicked in my head. I can save her. I know this.

I listened for her breathe, nothing. Placed my ear to her chest. A faint flutter, if that. I laid her on the bank and began chest compressions. Each time I pressed down, water flowed out of her mouth. This couldn’t be happening.

After a few seconds, Bailey coughed. I turned her to her side. At this point, my parents had arrived home and heard hysterical screaming. Some strange voice yelled, “Where’s Bailey? Where is she?” It was my dad. His voice unfamiliar in that tone. He never sounded paniced.

“I’ve got her. Over here. She’s breathing now.” I shouted back. I looked up as my dad hurdled the four foot fence and run toward me. He scooped Bailey up and took off toward the van. He and my mom zoomed off to the hospital.

Still in the waist high water, everything went silent. The only sounds were the sobs of my brother and his friends. Shock of what had taken place settled in. I covered my hands over my face and wept. Slowly, a hand was placed on my shoulder.

“You did good, Laci.” I looked up to see my sister’s boyfriend. He helped me out of the water and into the house. My sister wrapped me in a blanket and cried along with me.

We waited by the phone what seemed for hours. Finally, my dad called letting us know Bailey was alright and they would be home later.

This really happened and I still have nightmares. With summer on its way, everyone be aware of water safety. Nobody needs to go though this.

News clippings of the event.

 Below is Bubba, Me holding Bailey, Chantel, and Kolby.

 This is Bailey now. 16 years later, I'm still glad she made it.