Monday, January 20, 2014

Up In Arms

I am at a loss at the moment and about to come to a cross roads with a decision that will affect the rest of our family lives. It is impossible to get Seth to school without me physically dragging him. I'm at a loss too, because we can get him to go anywhere just fine and with little or no problems. Last year he was great with going to school, he'd run in by himself, happy as could be. This year something has changed. Hormones? Puberty? Your guess is as good as mine. 

His father and met with the administration of his school and came up with a great plan. Really, it was fail safe, full of options he got to make to instil in himself a feeling of independence instead of manipulative control of adults. With these choices, there was a punishment if he refused to follow through with any of them. This punishment is he has to stay home and sit at the top of the stairs, do nothing, be bored. He did the two days last week while the program was planned and set up so he understands what it the punishment really is. Monday morning guess what he picked? Bored! 

Not surprised! He is 13 years old. He would rather sit and be lazy than go to school. I would have picked it too at his age. Now, this choice had to be because the school won't allow him to be there anymore during his fits. The principle contacted the state and the lady instructed that the child be removed and sent home. Every child has a right to be in school, but in the least restricted environment. Him being so upset that others were being physically harmed and his teachers and aids having to restran, hold to the floor, and use so much physical force that bruises were made is not least restrictive. 

I am so tired. Tired of fighting. Every thing feels like a fight. I hate having to be firm, almost mean, to get him to school. Then when he is home, be so strict that he has to sit on and do nothing. That isn't me. I am not a mean person. It kills me. I won't do it anymore!

I don't understand how we can take Seth anywhere else and he is fine. Maybe something has happened to him at school and I don't know what. He is nonverbal and can't tell us. Maybe I should pull him out of school, find a different school even? I have to do what is best for my child. The biggest skill he is learning from school is his OT and speech therapy. If I pulled him out, I could set up other therapy sessions with other facilaties. When we took him for evaluations, he was amazing, his behavior perfect. This staying home being bored isn't doing him any good, it's destructive to his growth he has made! 

 I am at a loss. Some people often tell me to send him to a type of group home... Um, no! He is my child I will raise him. That drives me crazy when that is thrown out. The other thing that is so frustrating is yes, thing look so amazing and simple on paper. When we meet with officials and administrators they lay out plans, advise, and what have you for us as parents and caregivers to do. And news flash, I DO THEM! FAITHFULLY! I am not the type that just act like I will during meeting then walk away to resume old habits. I freaking try. Some plans work, others don't. So unless you are in my home, have or are living this, you don't understand. The experts are the familie, not the ones with degrees sitting behind the desks telling you what to do. 

I am giving my whole life, devoting every waking moment of these kids to these kids. That is my life. Minute by minute is dedicated to insuring they get what is needed. Every parent training skill taught to me is applied. Yes, I let my kids pretty much run my life, but  I am in control of the schedule. A simple life would be so ideal, but it's not in my cards. Mine is chaos within the strict schedule. So when you get your kids ready for school, don't yell, kiss them when they leave, because it could be a whole lot worse. 

1 comment:

Mama Bear said...

We are going to come up with a solution okay!! Keep going forward, we will find an outlet for him, and help him learn. Logan School District has an amazing special needs class. I worked in it for a few years and I was impressed. And now as a parent of a special needs child I see how well they were doing. It may be moving schools for Seth, it may be homeschooling him, maybe bring in a teacher to the house a few times a week, and he only goes to school daily to eat lunch for a while. It may be his trust was broken at school, and now it might take eons to earn it back. And maybe the only way to do so is to pull back a little. You might call the big group home in Logan (cannot remember the name) NOT for him to live, but to see what type of programs they have during the day. School just might not be a thing Seth can tolerate right now. Maybe being able to do a group activity with other kids with his needs might help. Most programs will allow you to try them a few times for free. He might actually look forward to weekly visits to the group home for activities and it might build his trust in teachers again after a little while.

Maybe he just cannot handle mornings and needs afternoons only. We will find a solution.

I love you Laci, and I think you are amazing!!!