Oh, My, REALLY?

There are things in my life I've come to accept. Example; I still get zits and I'm almost 30, stretch marks will never go away completely, with four children my house will not be spotless, and there will always be laundry to be done. But, I can not, WILL not accept being shocked to consciousness by the theme song to Harry Potter played at full volume on the surround sound at 6AM! It's just not that good of a feeling.

FOR THE LOVE MAKE IT STOP!

Me and Parking Lots

Holy Smokes! What is up with me and parking lots lately? A while back our car was victim to a hit and run, this past weekend I was honked at by a very angry driver for crossing the "crosswalk" slowly because I had all four of my kids with me, and today I, my body, got backed into. Yup, BACKED INTO!

Actually it was my baby the van hit first. Thank goodness he was in the car seat carrier, or I would have really flipped.

We got out of our car and the kids were walking next to me. Just as we passed a van, the reverse lights kicked on and backed into me. Yeah, I swore. A LOT! (My seven-year-old told me I need to wash out my mouth and I can't kiss Riot the rest of the day.) Well, the car stopped and nothing was hurt, just scared us both.

I think for now on I'm sending my husband to do all the shopping.

What Would You Do?

This summer has finally come (weather wise anyway), and I thought I would be a good mom and let my 7-year-old-son invite a friend over. He rarely is able to have friends over because of my oldest son and his autism. I know that sounds bad, but hear me out. He is my height and 100 pounds. He wants to play with his brother and friend. But, brother and friend want to run the neighborhood like little boys do. My 10-year old (Seth) RUNS!! and runs very fast. I can't catch him. Plus, I just had a baby and feedings are still taking place every two hours.

Anyways, back to the story. The friend came over and as usual they were coming in and out to play. When they would go out, Seth would hang on the door and cry, he wanted to go with them. So, after the fourth time I loaded the baby in the stroller and off we went on the bikes. Yeah, I ran. A LOT! Boy, I'm so out of shape. Seth actually did really well and stayed with the boys on the freaking MILE bike ride. He even came home like he was suppose to without a fight.

It was later that broke my heart. The boys wanted to play with just them, no Seth. So, outside they went and locked the door. The look on Seth face made my heart weep. I felt so bad because I couldn't go out to keep him where he was suppose to be and I couldn't tell the boys "Sorry, you have to be bored and stay in the back yard". (Well I could but didn't.) Seth sat by me while I was feeding the baby and whimpered "play" over and over.

What do I do? This is why we don't have my younger son have friends over. I feel bad that he always has to go over to everyone else's houses but it's just not fair to leave Seth out. Really? Am I doing the right thing?  

House Hold Memo's

Dear Laundry,

Our relationship has been getting, let's say, a little unacceptable. We use to coexist in harmony. You never seemed to overwhelm me. I miss the days when I could fold you and enjoy the fresh sent of fabric softener. Where have you gone?

As of late, you're out of control. I mean you're leaving piles everywhere. In the bathroom, in the corners of my bedroom, you've gotten so lazy in the kids' rooms I can't see the floor. And we are not even going to talk about the laundry room floor. NO! This is enough. 

This is your final notice, get it together, or you will be replaced by new clothing and never washed again.

Sincerely yours,
Laci 

The Canal

I dipped my feet into the cool water of the kiddy pool. The ripples rolled across the surface as I lifted my toes up and down. My older sister and her boyfriend sat behind me on the front porch, smooching. Gag.

Not only was the heat from the July sun making me sick, but the sound of lips smacking together wasn’t something a twelve year old wanted to hear. My six year old little brother, Bubba, ran out of the front door with the neighbor kids. Silently tagging along behind him was my two year old sister, Bailey.

“Hey Lace,” asked Bubba. “Is it okay if we go over to the Talbot’s?”

“Sure, just don’t be too long. Mom and Dad should be home soon.”

Our parents were at a funeral, my dad’s friend, who had been killed in a car accident. They had told us that we could go out for a burger when they got back, and to us kids’ fast food was awesome!

Bubba and his friends took off across the canal to the Talbot’s place. I leaned forward and hugged my knees with one arm to keep my balance while I drug my fingers across the water. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the feeling of the sun’s heat on my face. It felt nice to be back from girls camp. A weekend of passing off knots, C.P.R., and crafts were enough to do me in for the rest of the summer.

A few moments later, the Talbot kids, Kolby and Chantel, were on the bridge of the canal with Bubba. Chantel came up to me. “Did Bailey come back over here?”

“No. Why isn’t she with you?” I stood up and looked around. “Did you check over at your place? She followed you over.”

Bubba yelled to me, “Hey, someone’s in the canal.”

“It looks like a Sixth Grader,” added Kolby.

I’d just been in Sixth Grade and thought I’d probably know who was swimming next to my house; hoping deep down it was'nt a cute boy. (My hair wasn't done). With Chantel by my side, I made my way with an ever so cool sway to my walk up to the bridge.

“Look,” said Bubba, pointing to a blue object floating in the water. “Right there, see them floating?”

A few yards down the bank, a little arm rose out of the water and sunk back under. My heart jumped into my throat. “It’s Bailey!” I yelled and readied myself to jump in.

A quiet voice spoke in my ear, “Don’t jump in yet. Run to get her.” My bare feet flew over the weeded ditch bank until I reached to spot I’d seen my baby sister. I heard a large slash behind me and looked back to see my older sister’s boyfriend had jumped in to get her, but he was clear back at the bridge. I turned my attention back to the water in front of me. A few feet a head, Bailey’s tiny face bobbed up to the surface and went back down. I jumped in the water and grabbed her, lifting her up in front of me.

Bailey’s body was cold, limp, and lifeless. I looked into her eyes and nothing was there. Her happy glow of life was gone. I shook her and screamed, “No! Bailey, no! You can’t do this! You can’t die. NO!”

A tiny drop of water rolled out of her mouth and something clicked in my head. I can save her. I know this.

I listened for her breathe, nothing. Placed my ear to her chest. A faint flutter, if that. I laid her on the bank and began chest compressions. Each time I pressed down, water flowed out of her mouth. This couldn’t be happening.

After a few seconds, Bailey coughed. I turned her to her side. At this point, my parents had arrived home and heard hysterical screaming. Some strange voice yelled, “Where’s Bailey? Where is she?” It was my dad. His voice unfamiliar in that tone. He never sounded paniced.

“I’ve got her. Over here. She’s breathing now.” I shouted back. I looked up as my dad hurdled the four foot fence and run toward me. He scooped Bailey up and took off toward the van. He and my mom zoomed off to the hospital.

Still in the waist high water, everything went silent. The only sounds were the sobs of my brother and his friends. Shock of what had taken place settled in. I covered my hands over my face and wept. Slowly, a hand was placed on my shoulder.

“You did good, Laci.” I looked up to see my sister’s boyfriend. He helped me out of the water and into the house. My sister wrapped me in a blanket and cried along with me.

We waited by the phone what seemed for hours. Finally, my dad called letting us know Bailey was alright and they would be home later.

This really happened and I still have nightmares. With summer on its way, everyone be aware of water safety. Nobody needs to go though this.

News clippings of the event.

 Below is Bubba, Me holding Bailey, Chantel, and Kolby.

 This is Bailey now. 16 years later, I'm still glad she made it.

A Note From My Son.

My seven-year-old son made a list of things about me for Mother's Day and gave it to me late. He said he was embarrassed, but not anymore. After I read it, I gave him a big hug, folded it up and put it in my journal. He gave me permission to post this though. I think it's great, and kinda funny of what reminds him of me. The caps words are what he wrote. It's these types of little things that make me happy to be a mom.

1.   If my mom were a flower, she would be a ROSE, because THEY SMELL GOOD.

2.   If my mom were a song, she would be RUDOLF THE RED NOSED REINDEER, because IT REMINDS ME OF CHRISTMAS AND HER BIRTHDAY IS RIGHT AFTER THAT.

3.   If my mom were a super hero, she would be MEGA-MOM, because IT SOUNDS COOL.

4.   If my mom were a candy, she would be GUM, because IT'S SWEET.

5.   If my mom were a car, she would be a TAXI, because SHE DRIVES ME AROUND AND IT'S YELLOW.

6.   If my mom were a color, she would be WHITE, because, IT'S BRIGHT.

7.   If my mom were an animal, she would be a BUNNY,  because THEY ARE FLUFFY.

8.   If my mom were a TV show, she would be REGULAR SHOW, because IT'S FUNNY LIKE HER.

I'm glad none of them were too bad, like saying I was a monster of some kind. But, a bunny huh? At first I was worried he might say because I used to watch GIRLS NEXT DOOR. Phew. Hum, but fluffy?

I love this kid!

A Hit and A Miss

Yesterday started out amazingly with a phone call from Aprilynne Pike. She was coming through the area and asked if I wanted meet up for some grub. (Not her words exactly). We met up for lunch at a yummy restaurant and ate out little hearts out. She brought her mother along for this part of her book tour to help with her new little (adorable I might add) baby girl.

We laughed and caught up on what's been happening lately. Crazy enough, since we'd both just had babies, our lives are similar at the moment. Only mine isn't as glamorous. Hopefully someday though. Aprilynne had to hit the road and I had to get back to being a busy busy mom.

Around four o'clock that night, my husband and I took off to get our Whooping Cough booster. *OUCH* (Not really, didn't even feel it). Then stopped off at ol' Walmart to do some birthday shopping. On our way out we noticed our SUV had been hit. I mean, who could miss the big white paint scratched along the side of the rear-end?  My husband was fuming mad and had the store call the police.

This is what's pretty amazing. The cop and Walmart employee viewed the security cameras and saw the whole thing. A white car attempted to pull into the stall next to us, but hit our vehicle instead. Then they backed out (at this time the lady got out of her car, looked at the damage, and got back into the drivers seat.) She then, pulled her car into a stall two cars to the right of ours and got out and entered the store. The cop and employee then followed her (via camera angles) through the store all the way to her checking out. If she were to pay with credit or debit card or check they could trace her and find out her name, address, ect. But, this is the kick in the pants. She paid in CASH! No trail. The only thing they have is her car make and model and her face.

The camera followed her to her car, and here comes another kick, passes us inspecting the damage she had done. She gets into her car and drives away. GONE! OFF SCOTT FREE while we are stuck with the $500 repair bill. But we have a copy of the DVD of you (stupid lady) hitting and running. I hope it eats at you knowing you are dishonest.

Now it's cool and all that Walmart is able to do this, but really? BIG BROTHER! How much other stuff do they catch on camera?  And why do people hit and run? I mean come on! What happened to people doing the right thing? Well, anyway at least I had fun with Aprilynne.

I'm out!

   

Oh Where, Oh Where Have ALL My Clothes Gone?

Some of you may know the issue we've been having with son #1. He's in training to become the next Hulk Hogan or a Chip and Dale dancer, one of the two, who knows but hopefully the first. He is getting really good at ripping the clothes off too. Faster than I can stop him. I'll be doing something and I'll hear that first *rip* and start charging toward him in hopes to saving the article of clothing. We found that Shopko has the KID TOUGH guarantee and are taking full advantage of it.

Well, lately I've been noticing my clothes have been disappearing. I recently had a baby and yes the laundry does seem to stay in piles for a few days but I catch up on the weekends. Anyway, I seriously couldn't find a lot of my clothes. Well, last night I found what has been happening to them.

My laundry pile for my husband and myself is in our bathroom, next to the toilet. Are you following me? If you've read this blog before you might know what is coming next. Just put two and two together. Yep! I found him ripping my clothes and FLUSHING them! GOOD HEAVENS, YES! Down the tube they've been going.

So, that's my life this week. I'll be getting a shopping trip soon.

Illusions by Aprilynne Pike

This book comes out in a few days, but Aprilynne is an awesome friend of mine and sent it to me early! Really, this is my favorite book in the series so far. I won’t go into to detail and spoil anything since you all should read it, but I will tell you it’s amazing. The story is fast pasted from the first word and there are a lot of intense scenes. I couldn’t put it down. So, mark this book down on your to read list!

IT'S A BOY! Riot Smith

I know, I know. It’s about time. You’ve all been wondering and waiting to see my new baby. Well, what do you expect? I mean just look at his little face. I can’t get enough of him. So without further hesitation, I present to you my new baby boy, Riot. He was born March 11th and came in weighing a modest size of 8lbs 14 ounces! He was a strong healthy boy too. Now me, I gave everyone a scare. Didn’t mean to but it happened. There were lets say some complications during the c-section. Nothing was where it was suppose to be.
The following day I woke up with the worst pain in my belly I’ve EVER experienced and my heart pounding. When I looked down, it was red, and swollen. I called for a nurse and at one look she grabbed my doctor. I had red streaks running up and down my stomach. At first I thought it was new stretch marks. Not so much, it was something worse. The doctor touched my stomach and I about passed out from the pain. He performed some more tests and grabbed another doctor. By this time, I couldn’t handle life anymore and was slipping in and out.

The next thing I knew it was a few hours later and my room was full of family. My bladder had been paralyzed, kidneys shut down among other things. To top it all off, I had to get two blood transfusions. Yeah, that isn’t very fun either. But, hey I was on morphine (which I found out I HATE! I can’t stand the way it made me feel.)

So a week later, I got to come home with my baby and got an amazing surprise! Someone, ONE OF YOU READERS, contacted a photographer (Jen Smith) of RJS Photography and purchased a session for my baby! (But they wanted to keep themselves anonymous) So here is my HUGE THANK YOU! I thought it would be nice to share a few of my favorites so whoever you are (amazing friend) can see how cute of a gift you got our family.
THANK YOU AGAIN!

Paisley said.....

The other night while putting our son to bed we couldn't find his little dog. He loves this pet, it's his therapy. Me, not so much of a fan of something that will piddle on my carpet. But anyway, you do anything for your kids to be happy and calm.

Well, Seth would not go to bed with out this dog to sleep next to him. He wondered around the house whimpering, "Chester, here boy." After ten minutes, no response my husband and I call out for him.

The little voice of my 4 year old daughter yells out, "He's in my room. He was tired."

We walk into her room and find her snuggled in her bed smiling. My husband asked, "Where in your room is he? I can't see him."

Paisley's beautiful blue eyes brighten up as she smiles. "He's in my closet."

Why she locked the dog in her closet is still a mystery. What made me a little nervous for the future, this was the same smile and giggle she made when we opened the door and found the dog in the dolly bed.

Baby Shower, Ring, Scarf, OH MY!

Wow, a lot has happened. So, this post is going to jump all over and talk a lot about me, sorry in advance. First off I owe you all photos of my ring my husband got me for my birthday (back in December). We have been married going on eleven years and he surprised me with this amazing gift on my birthday. I guess he'd gotten it a while back and couldn't decide when to give it to me. I had no clue, but I think he did AMAZING at picking it out all by himself. He even got the size right. Don't mind the blury fat fingers.

I also got a gift from my friend Gretchen Stelter who lives in Portland. She is also an amazing editor if anyone is in need of some editorial work. My camera is not wanting to load my photos so The scarf looks a lot like the one Gretchen is wearing( click on the link to see photos.), but mine has a peace sign and the words love on it. I LOVE LOVE LOVE it and wear it all the time.. Here is a link to her site. Double R Design.

This past weekend my friends gave me a baby shower. I'm having my fourth baby in a few weeks and have never had a baby shower. I had no idea what I was missing! We did an open house style shower because I'm not a fan of shower games and really I just wanted to sit and chat with my friends. We had a good turn out and I really want to tell each of my friends Shannon, Ashli, and Andrea for giving me a shower, and all of the rest of you who came THANK YOU very much. I appreciate everything you did and gave me. My friend Shannon posted some photos on her blog of the decorations (which were over the top and the treats amazing!) Here is the link to see the baby shower pictures. Shannon made me a plate for my baby's room with his name on it. Love it. You'll see it in the photos.

Who wants to be a Winner, Winner, Chicken Dinner?

I love pictures of babies. That being said, my friend, Jen Smith of RJS Photography is giving away a photo shoot worth $175. Believe me it's so worth entering in this contest. All you have to do is comment on her web site and here is a link. (click HERE)

Now, if you still don't believe me, here are some samples of her work. Plus there are a lot more on her site. Good Luck to any and all who enter.

A Clog in the Kitchen Sink From HELL!

I’ve had the perfect start for this year. Wait, really I haven’t and this is why. On Saturday morning, my husband noticed the water backing up from the dishwasher into the kitchen sink. He put on his Man Belt and got to work with a plunger. The water instantly shot out of the other side and landed right on his back. Don’t laugh yet, it gets better. He’s ticked, I mean really mad. He moved on to the plumbers snake and twisted that sucker to its breaking point. NOTHING. We went and bought an acid that’s supposed to eat through anything. Really, the bottle said it would eat through rags. What the bottle didn’t say is the fumes could kill an army. Still the clog stayed put.

My husband spued out a few choice words and I told him to call a plumber. He yells back, “Screw that. I got this! I can fix it myself and cheaper than hiring a plumber.” I knew that was the kiss of death. Nothing ever good comes after that saying.

He cinched up his Man Belt a little tighter and bought a new, longer plumbers snake. After shoving the 50 foot metal hose down the pipe, WE FOUND THE CLOG. Bad news, it was something so tight it bent the snake accordion style.

The next thing I heard was banging of power tools getting pulled out of the garage. “Heaven help me now!”  Sure enough the saw fired up and a pipe was being cut. I prayed for a miracle. Or at least for my husband to not chop off any of his body parts.

All of a sudden I hear, “Oh. My. Gosh.” I could have crapped my heart through an eye of a needle right then, but luckily it stayed in place. I took off down stairs, waiting to find my husband covered in blood. What I met was an invisible wall of the most horrible smelling order ever and my husband looking up at the severed pipe in disgust. It looked like what you see inside of a raw sausage link. What seemed to have happened, when we were building our house the plumber made too many bends in the pipe from the garbage disposal to the main drain of the house causing six years of discarded food particles to build up little by little until it became packed—solid.

We ended up replacing that entire length of pipe, about ten feet. It was too packed to even start to unclog. It’s a dang good thing we didn’t have the basement finished or we would've had to replace the ceiling too. But, my husband rubbed it in my face. He did save us money. The total cost of the repair, $40. My husband’s pride—priceless.

Oh, P.S. When I get the time, I have to show you what I got for my birthday from my husband. Plus an awesome gift from my friend, Gretchen Stelter.

Lottery Winner!

A few days ago three ladies won a million dollars on a Power Ball ticket. My husband and I (who were extremely jealous) got talking about what we would do with the money if we had won. Thankfully we both had the similar ideas, but then it came down to the question; would we share it with family or friends? This is where we found out we are true soul mates. We had almost exactly the same answer. Although this was only a dream for us, it did get me thinking. What if? Would I really share or not share? Well, I'm asking you. What would you do?

Sex and Sexy Scenes In YA Books

Hey all you writers out there, I found a great post from a blog I follow The YA-5 called "Sex and Sexy Scenes In YA :Let's Look At It A Different Way" I think you might want to read. It's about sex in young adult books. It's always a big topic at conferences I go to.

This article has some good points and explanations. I agree that when you write a scene it needs to fit. Also, it needs to have meaning to the plot. It's always hard to decide if you are going to add sexual content to your story. For me, it's a hard choice because I write young adult, but young adult (to me) isn't children. Young adult is, in my eyes, 15 and older. Now 15 is still young, but we do need to face and understand that 50% of teenagers (sometimes more) are sexually active in some way.  Now I'm not saying "yeah, go ahead and let your teens read steamy romance novels."  What I am saying is if sex is put into literature that teens will read it needs to be done properly and tastefully. Now that's enough of my soap box. Enjoy reading the post. 

Tooth Fairy! Where are you?

The Tooth Fairy seems to miss our house-a lot. My son lost a tooth two days ago and that stinking fairy skipped him over. This tragedy seems to happen almost every time someone in our house looses a tooth. But, come on now, give this fairy a break. She just can’t get herself up in time lately.

I got tired of hearing the kid’s disappointment in the mornings when the tooth would still be under the pillow and no money in its place. We made a designated spot that we now put the teeth in waiting, on the kitchen counter. No missing it now.

This Tooth Fairy failed again. This morning I woke up to my 4-year-old-daughter wailing that the Tooth Fairy (she has named her Tinker Bell-go figure) didn’t come. After consoling the upset child, she just knew that our cat had scared the Tooth Fairy away and that’s why she didn’t come. She also came up with a plan and made a sign of a cat locked in the garage and a map of where the tooth will be waiting. Wow, I’d hate to think what she is going to do when it's her tooth.

Now please lets all pray that this Tooth Fairy can wake her very exhausted behind up and get this job done. TONIGHT!

Moved To Tears

The other day my husband and I were walking through a store that was displaying art. I know, what a date. An art gallery, but hey it’s free and gave us time to talk. Now I need to back up a tiny bit. As some of you may know, lately I’ve been going through some tough times emotionally with this pregnancy and my oldest son. Although I’ve shed a lot of tears, I’ve grown too. (Not only in my waist but spiritually as well.)


My husband and I had moved passed the paintings and came to the still art section. This tiny 4x5 picture caught my attention. I pointed at it and cried. My husband clueless to what I was doing, put his arm around me and asked what was wrong.

“That picture. It’s so personal to me. I’ve felt that so many times.”

By this time, my husband saw the picture I was referring to and understood. It was of a woman weeping against a rock and Jesus comforting her. Not like a full on bear hug, but a gentle touch, letting her know He understands and is hurting along with her.

I wiped my eyes and got the heck out of that section. I didn’t want anyone to see me crying. But the image left a permanent mark with me. As someone who works in the art genera, I hope my work has an impact on someone like this picture did. Even if it’s just one single person.

Here's the picture that moved me to tears.

I need some help?

I posted this essay a while back, but now have changed it. The reason being, I might enter it into a contest. This contest is for woman of my religious background and life style. Why I'm posting it again, I want feed back. Like; does it need to be longer, more in depth, more personal, you aren't relating, connecting, or caring who this is about. Or if I totally went the wrong way with it and need to start over. Any who, take a read and leave a comment on the link above this post.

I Still See You

A tall brown haired boy flips on the kitchen light. I follow him to the counter and pour him a bowl of cereal. I give my son his breakfast and kiss the top of his head. It’s five o’clock in the morning and I can’t help but smirk at how even the sun gets to sleep in. Yet, I’m up and starting my day.

My little boy snarffs down his Fruit Loops, bounces across the room, humming a deep monotone, and flapping his hands together with out a care in the world. His name is Seth and he has two disabilities; Autism and Fragile X Syndrome. You never know when the symptoms of either trial he lives with will strike. Some days are good and he seems happy and calm. With the good comes the bad and on those days it can be challenging to see his real sweet spirit inside.

Seth puts in his favorite DVD of Harry Potter. While waiting for the player to load, our family dog enters the room and licks Seth’s face. I love the sound of the giggle Seth lets out because it’s a contagious chuckle that grows into belly jumping laugh.

Suddenly, Seth remembers the movie but something is wrong. The DVD isn’t playing. He tries restarting it, but it just won’t work. Seth’s face wrinkles and big tears roll down his cheeks. He turns to me and utters one word from his very small vocabulary.

“Help.”

I open the tray and out slides the disc. I pick it up and find it covered in sticky finger prints. After cleaning it off, my heart sinks. A crack ran all the way across the center of the DVD. Clean or sticky, it will never play. I return to Seth to break the bad news.

“Seth, I’m sorry but this can’t play anymore.” I hold up the disc. “Look at this right here. See, it’s broke.”

He doesn’t understand and cries again, this time flopping down on the couch. I turn around to go back into the kitchen. Seth see his shoes on the floor next to him and grabs them.

The next thing I know something hits the back of my head. I snatch the shoe from Seth’s hand. After a few minutes, my arms are bloody from trying to calm him down. I say a silent prayer and ask for some help. Not for myself, but help for my son to give him some kind of comfort and the ability to calm down. I open my eyes and something shinny catches my attention from under the couch. Reaching with my fingertips, I pull out another copy of the movie.

Puzzled how it got there and where it come from, I put it into the player. The movie starts with out any problems.

Seth immediately calms down and realizes what he has done to his mother. His eyes fill with sorrowful tears. Seth tenderly blows on the scratches, digs, and bite marks that cover my arms.

The movie’s theme music plays in the background as his big green eyes, still filled with tears, look back at me. Kissing my cheek, he says, “Sorry,” and wraps his arms around me.

“Seth, I love you too.”

As his mother, I know that even on the hard days when the Autism takes over, my little boy is still behind those green eyes struggling to understand his frustrations. So in these moments when he looks at me, I let him know I can still see him.

How else would I mean?

This morning I found my son playing with play dough in his bedroom. This is a no-no at my house. The kids know (well should know by how many times I've told them) that play dough is meant for the kitchen ONLY. This is how the conversation went.

Me: "Get this play dough in it's container and down stairs now. Or, I'm going to kick your butt!"

7 year old: Looks up at me with a blank stare.

Me: "Hurry up! I'm not kidding!"

7 year old: "You mean literally?"

Really?!?! How else would I mean. Well, I guess they've caught on to my empty threats.